Facing Adversity: Weathering the Storms of Life
“That isn’t fair!” How many times have we heard that declarative protest from our children before we parents casually respond, “I know,” Alex, “but life isn’t always fair.”
To be honest though, how many times have we adults thought the same thing. Life comes at us ugly. A close friend faces a diagnosis of a terminal illness. A nephew or niece dies in a motor vehicle accident caused by a drunk driver. Or sometimes even an event less mortal, like the sudden job loss of a loyal lifetime employee triggered by a profit-driven corporation. And then there are those who innocently suffer unrelenting pain. How many times have we thought and sometimes expressed those same emotions? “It just seems so unfair!” And it truly isn’t fair, is it?
As one faces serious misfortune, it seems as though fairness goes running to hide in the crowded closet of one’s life. It no longer wants to stick around, because it really has no legitimate response. It has no answer, no explanation, no justification for tragedy. In the face of misfortune, fairness can only hide silently like an embarrassed phantom.
One is left then, in the foreboding silence of uncertainty; and now only stands in the present moment facing the quiet stillness before the impending storm, listening to the echoing of a whispered question, pleading for an answer to “why?” “Why did it have to happen?”
To be clear, adversity is a different circumstance than what would be considered a “challenge.” Adversity is something more ominous, and beyond one’s choice or control. Like a violent storm, raging upon twisting winds, rolling forward, threatening to overwhelm, to overcome, to destroy all hope. Its dark clouds of doubt relentlessly press one to despair, to surrender to its force; to accept the mantle of mindlessness and the cloak of hopelessness.
Yet, it has been claimed that “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.”[i] But one might anxiously ask, “What reason do I have for hope since fairness has abandoned me?” “Am I left to nothing but fate?”
It is true that there is no choice on whether adversity should be there or not. Hope cannot make the storm go away. It cannot promise a return to what once was. Nevertheless, hope never surrenders to the deceit of the gale force winds of tragedy. It stands firm upon the conviction that the storm, though unavoidable, is not unabating. The only choice is whether or not one is willing to pass through the storm…to tread through the wind and the rain and the hail…to persevere, to prevail… knowing that there will be painful wounds to suffer and unrelenting griefs to bear.
How does one claim the courage to approach the storm with confidence and to challenge the burdens of its force? From what deep well of inspiration can one draw forth the conviction to go on? To refuse to despair. To focus on the next step, the next task, the next day…to press forward another mile through the throes of hardship and distress?
There are no easy answers to those questions, but I have heard the hopeful expression, “Nothing can get a truly good person down.” And I suppose there is some truth in that thought; but what does it really mean? My sense is that the phrase is trying to say a couple things. One is that a truly good person, I might add, a truly wise person, understands and to some degree accepts the reality of one’s temporal existence. Human as we are, bad things happen to good people. There is no getting around that fact. That is just how it is. But that in no way diminishes a person’s “goodness,” and in some bizarre manner, may even heighten it in the course of suffering.
The Stoics said as much. The Stoics of antiquity (Markus Aurelius, Epictetus, Seneca) proposed that a person can only find peace and tranquility if one accepts a position of fate; that there are some things in life that are within one’s control, and others that are not. To the Stoic perspective, a person should only be concerned with the matters that he or she can change or control and leave the rest to “fate.” And, it has become a rather popular and frequently expressed perspective, even in today’s culture. Nonetheless, it seems a bit shallow and over-simplistic to me, like reading Spark’s notes of a Shakespearean play, containing an element of truth, but lacking the depth of pathos required to genuinely understand this thing we call suffering.
However, a truly good person also understands that there is sunshine on the other side of the storm. Hope transcends fatalism. There will be a new dawn promising a new day. That person who chooses to push bravely through the tempest of tragedy often discovers a verdant valley and peaceful sunshine beyond the struggle. It’s not without its costs, but often one finds a blessing on the other side of the storm. What do I mean by that?
Suffering, the sages have long claimed, is one way in which a person can develop a strength of character, confidence, and wisdom. Like the fierce hot flames of the forge which temper the steel of the sword, adversity confronts a person with the stark reality that they will be changed. It is inevitable. Of this, there is no choice. However, be that as it may, what kind of person we become is one’s unique and freely chosen path that no adversity can overcome. Adversity confronts a person with who they are as a human being; but the individual possesses the choice of who they will become. Perhaps it shapes us into something better, or possibly something worse, but that remains our choice, determined by how we respond to the fear and uncertainty of the moment. And don’t we encounter many helpful companions as we walk through the buffeting winds of adversity? Patience, perseverance, courage, resolve, vision, self-discovery, wisdom, humility,…all markers of personal transformation.
Haruki Murakami[ii] stated it this way:
And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.
An issue needs to be expressly stated here. It is all well and good to discuss the experiences of adversity, tragedy, and suffering; but it rings as hollow for those who are presently going through or have recently been in the midst of suffering. To discuss human adversity is not meant to analyze it in some philosophically detached manner; but rather to help each of us identify more intimately with those who suffer. It is meant to draw each of us into a realm of deep understanding and empathy of both the uncertainty and terror of suffering. However, it also draws us into a new awareness of the promise of a surprising hope, a new day, a new chapter of life that can inevitably offer blessing on the other side of the storm.
An illustration from Scripture has always had great meaning for me. It is the story of Jacob’s wrestling with the angel of the Lord. (Genesis 32:22-31) Jacob wrestled with his faith in God throughout the darkness of the entire night but was stubborn and would not yield until he was directly touched by God at daybreak. With that enlightenment, Jacob asked for a blessing, which was granted by God. He received a blessing from God in being given a new name, “Israel,” which was significant, because in the Scriptures, a new name conveyed a new character and a new future, and a new inheritance… one that involved an acceptance and adherence to the precepts of God. Nevertheless, Israel would always carry with him a limp as a reminder of his struggle wrought blessing of personal transformation. A physical imperfection, if you will, but a necessary cost for authentic spiritual renewal and restoration.
Like Jacob, we do not face adversity alone. God is with us; either in confronting us with our doubt and stubbornness, or in comforting us in our pain and fear. We do not face the storm alone. That, of course, doesn’t mean that the story always ends the way we would like. Often our battles leave scars from the wounds of physical and emotional pain. But God promises that there is a blessing beyond the hardships of life if we only desire to follow His principles.
In another passage of scripture, Joshua stood before the Promised Land that God had prepared for the Israelites after their long sojourn of forty years in the wilderness. Moses had died and the leadership now fell on his shoulders. He knew conquering the Promised Land would involve many battles and many deaths in order to overcome the pagan tribes presently inhabiting the land. God’s message then to Joshua is also one for each of us today as we face our own adversities. God said to Joshua these words of hope and assurance:
As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. 6 Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:5-9 (NIV)
Neither Jacob’s, nor Joshua’s lives were easy, but both were blessed with a new future provided by God that were acquired through the hardships and tragedies of their lives. An ultimate truth stands tall. There is a real consequence to the struggles of life, to the adversities we face, to the disappointments, the fears, the disillusionment. They all force us to make a choice, do they not? A choice of how we face adversity. Will it be with a confidence built upon an eternal covenant with a benevolent God? Or will it result in surrender to fate and despair? In whom will we place our ultimate trust? In whom will we discover our hope for the future?
The gray foreboding storm clouds gather ominously, and the winds begin to stir with warnings of peril. Heavy drops of rain sting our face, while the darkened sky threatens us with uncertainty and doubt. Yet, through a tiny opening between the clouds, a ray of sunlight shines from beyond the storm to remind us to persevere, to hold hope closely, to step confidently, moment by moment, towards the voice that calls to us saying:
“Be strong and courageous. I will never leave you nor forsake you.” “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross shares these thoughts:
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. –
And, I might add, “for they have become “transformed.”
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[i] Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest.
The soul, uneasy, and confin’d from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.
Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man
[ii] Goodreads.com