Garage Cleaning and Restication:
I’m supposed to clean out the garage today. I guess it’s about time. My garage cleaning index is up to seven to one. It usually only runs around three to one; and I have noticed that it has been steadily creeping up since I last cleaned it out several years ago. For those of you who aren’t familiar with my garage cleaning index, it is a ratio of the number of items that you have to move in order to get to the one item you really want to get to. So, a garage cleaning index of seven to one means that I must move seven items on average to get to the one that I need. That is assuming however that you know where the item is that you actually want. If you don’t know where the item even is, there is a different mathematic formula that I made up, that needs to be applied. It uses much more upper-level mathematical calculations like multiplication and division.
Anyway, sometimes my conscience does bother me a bit. Having grown up in the Midwest with its 1960s work ethics probably did that to me. Then, before a child was 5 years old, he or she was taught the value of hard work and doing a job promptly and doing it well. The words of my parents still ring in my ears, if you’re going to do it, do it right. And that usually meant do it now. That is undoubtedly when I met one of the first ugly words of my life. Uttered by my parents, it would interrupt and break into the sweet flow of my childhood contentment. Even today it is one of my least favorite words. It is the word “procrastination.”
Perhaps that is why I so much enjoy the simple southern phrase, “I’m a fixin’ to,” and I have adopted that as my own personal mantra. For those of you not ensconced in the south, it means something akin to “considerin’ to.” It means, the task is there somewhere in your mind, usually way in the back, and you’re thinking about it… a little bit anyway. It doesn’t mean you’re even going to do it at all, but it at least buys you a few moments of peace from your wife. Some semblance of “affixin to” is conveyed in another of my favorite phrases, “When a man says he’ll do something, he’ll do it. You don’t need to nag him every 6 months!
All this leads me to the conclusion that we need to use PC culture to change the harsh reality of this word procrastination, which has undoubtedly ruined and given many of us children so much emotional distress. I am sure that “many authorities ” can be cited as relating this harsh term to our current social maladies, such as snowflake sensitivities, over consumption of sugar-containing beverages, and probably even that global warming I’ve been hearin’ about. After giving this topic proper consideration, I think we need to soften the real meaning of procrastination to something more politically gentle. Perhaps we could call it “restication.” It’s a long word, so it sounds kind of sophisticated, and I think it would be adopted quickly by them smart folks. It would not mean putting things off because you’re actually too lazy to do them, but instead, takin’ a rest from this busy, chaotic, stressful life of ours. Yes, restication I think will do. The only question is, will my wife go for it?
Now what was I a fixin’ to do?